I have to give a 6 minute Toastmasters speech and a five minute Mandarin speech both this week. I'm sure the universe thinks this is funny, but not sure why. This entry is the gist of my Toastmasters speech: The Long and Winding Road.
Who am I? Why am I here? What am I supposed to do? I think I was born with these questions because they have always stayed with me. Since ancient times there have been 4 phases of life: childhood, the student, the householder and the retired. My childhood was happy, anyway too long ago to remember so I 'll start with the student.
I attended the University of British Columbia. I was a kind of 'golden child' I had the looks, the brains, the wealthy family, athletic ability; I should have worked very hard. I didn't. I spent five years playing sports, drinking and chasing girls. What a waste of an opportunity. It was lots of fun though.
I was offered a teaching job in the Rocky Mountains - The Rockies! How I loved skiing and outdoor adventure. I spent two years there as a teacher - sad to say my life style didn't improve much. I entered the Vancouver Marathon in 1976. My father entered as well. He was a distinguished medical doctor. After about 30 k he collapsed from a heart condition and died instantly. He was 53 years old. My world collapsed with him. Within a few months I had quit my job, sold all my possessions, said goodbye to my family and girlfriend and bought a one way ticket to China (HK actually. You couldn't go to China in 1976.)
My father's death brought back to me the basic questions about life: who am I? Why am I here?. University had not supplied me with any answers so I turned to India - the land of spirituality. I saw myself as a pilgrim; wandering the dusty roads in simple robes and sandals, visiting sacred ancient places, sitting at the feet of the master. Seeking the truth with great love and devotion until the gates of heaven swung wide before me. I even had a book called "Pilgrim's guide to Planet earth". In fact I was still a spoiled brat. I got very sick as a result of various indiscretions that I won't go into, and I wasn't getting better. I thought I was going to die. I remember sitting gazing out over the Bay of Bengal thinking: "Accept my life, accept my life" I had made a mess of it and felt I should turn it over to a higher power. Strangely, I started to get better.
I made my way to an ashram. Ashrams are common in India. People gather to learn from a specific master to follow his/her teachings. The one I went to was very large and very disciplined. We spent our days on chanting, yoga, meditation and simple chores. The teacher was a wonderful man who told us that we would never find lasting happiness in external conditions. You buy a car, then a faster car, then you want an airplane. You will never be satisfied. He said we had to look within - find the treasure that is inside; the one that never changes. Every day was the same, except...it wasn't because of the mind. The thoughts go up, and they go down. You're happy and then you're sad.
So by living the same day over and over i learned to watch the mind. It turns out, you are not the mind. Don't believe everything you think. And at times there was such a sense of infinite peace. Behind the mind there is peace. 9 months I stayed in the ashram - that was my achievement toastmaster - to learn to watch the mind.
It changed me. How? I returned to Vancouver, married my girlfriend, bought a house got a job and had two beautiful children. That's the householder phase. I did it for 36 years and with all the usual ups and downs, they were 36 wonderful years.
But the world moves on- children grow up and have children of their own. It time to return to those tricky questions: Who am I? Why am I here? What am I supposed to do? So, of course, I bought a one way ticket to China - to Taiwan this time. I'm enjoying the mind-bending task of learning Chinese. My life her goes up and it goes down, but behind it all there's that sense of peace just out of reach....or not. So every day I ride the Ubike under the trees with the cool breeze in my face and ask those questions and everything that happens....is an answer.
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