Ride to Hanoi

It took me 11 days of riding to get from Saigon to Hanoi. Three days to Jungle Beach.

 Jungle Beach is part hostel, part beach resort with a slight flavour of hippy commune thrown in. The buildings are all traditional bamboo and reed thatch construction with mud walls, painted of course. Meals are a communal affair with beer or wine an optional extra. The guests spend most of their time lounging in hammocks, frolicking in the waves or hiking up to the waterfall for a fresh water swim. It’s a great place to catch up on your reading or recover from the previous day’s long ride.

It’s a bit of work fighting the waves to get beyond the break. Each time you dive under a wave there’s another one coming right at you breaking in your face. Once you get out there there’s the wonderful feel of the ocean as it lifts you up and down; feeling the inexorable pulsing from storms a thousand miles away. Every wave, every ripple, every speck of foam has its cause. Man makes his mark on the land and leaves his waste to soil the seas, but in the ocean you can always feel the power of the world that gave us birth.

From Jungle Beach I headed North to Quy Nhom.  The hotel was friendly enough, relaxed and had a shower, had a bite to eat then decided to go for a walk to find an ATM.  At this point I made a series of mistakes.

1)      Did not take my mobile with me.  So a long walk in the dark and the rain ensued. Eventually found an ATM that works and got some money.  Somehow on the walk back I could not locate the hotel. Walked the same streets up and down. Asked some people, but I had the street name and hotel name wrong.

2)      Not only did I have no mobile, but I also had nothing with the name and address of the hotel. It was not a big one and was on a small street. Felt foolish, wet and lost. I was in a bad way.

3)      I took the help of a woman on a motorcycle. Should have known better, but I really did need help.  She drove me around and failed to find the hotel, kept saying she would help me. She really didn’t. Its just that at that point I badly needed a friend and thought that she was it.  I went into an internet café and managed to locate the hotel.  Some boys showed us the way, but I continued on the back of the woman’s bike.

4)      Nice to return to the hotel and put on some dry clothes and retrieve my mobile.  Then I tried to give some money to the woman.  She would not take it, but said she wanted to eat dinner.  She took me to a small restaurant and ordered some things. By this time she had persuaded me that she was a friend who just wanted to help. So I compounded my problem with her by saying I would pay. The bill came to a ridiculously high amount which I stupidly paid.

5)      She promised to repay some to me and said she had to go to her hotel nearby.  The result of all of this was she took off saying she’s return in two minutes.  Of course she never returned. A sadder and a wiser man, I walked back to my hotel.

Next day I rode to Quang Nhai in warm sunshine. The hotel was the My Tan Riverside.  It was improperly marked on my GPS, so it took some finding. Turned out to be a very nice hotel with a riverbank restaurant and nice view.  This time to find an ATM I took my mobile AND the motorbike – no problems.

Next day I reached Hoi An. Three days in Hoi An. Beautiful historic town! Good friends and trips to restaurants with fellow guests.  Got fitted with some excellent tailored clothes which I mailed back home.

Hoi An to Hue – nice ride.  I didn’t think much of Hue, but stayed 2 nights.  The city walls are impressive, but not useful considering the onset of modern warfare; more appropriate to the C15th. It didn’t do much to deter the French who soon occupied and looted it.  It was further destroyed during the American war. Trips to Palace and tombs seemed overpriced. Some kings from the C19th used their considerable wealth to build incredible, lavish tomb complexes.  The construction is extraordinary, but all I could think of was the waste of resources. No wonder the people eventually turned communist. I went for a ride through the peaceful green countryside.  Particular enjoyed the old Pagoda surrounded by the calm quiet of monastic grounds. It was to be my last sunny day.

Hue to DongHoi. Through the busy modern streets of Danang and along the shores of China Beach, pounded by the relentless waves of the South China Sea.  After Danang came the famous ‘Top Gear’ pass where the weather changes abruptly as the coastal road winds upwards into the fog. At the top of the pass the warmth of South Vietnam meets the cold winds blowing down from China.  There were lots of trucks, slippery roads and no view to speak of. After that it was wet work along the coast to Dong Hoi As I trailed the trucks along the busy highway I kept checking my physical state – hands cold as my gloves became damp, feet going slightly numb, back developing pains here and there, seat giving an increasing pain in the butt.  Minutes became hours. Always on the lookout for the emerging truck, motorcycle, cyclist or whatever. Hearing the siren of the huge sleeper bus coming up behind, hugging the center of the road … just get out of their way. Can I do this? Should I be doing this? I stopped for gas, tried to dry my feet, had a coffee and a cigarette.  Thankfully the bike continued to perform perfectly. Eventually I dragged myself like a drowning rat through the welcoming doors of the Nam Long Plus Hotel.  The manager helped me unpack my bike, dry off and get into some warm clothes. He produced a large hoody which was too big for him so I gratefully wrapped myself in its dry warmth.

The staff at this hotel were outstanding in hospitality and instant friendliness. The owner informed me that the thing to in Dong Hoi is taking a tour to the caves at Phuong Nha.  He said, “The caves are wonderful and people come just to see them.  Now you are here and you may never come back so you shouldn’t miss the opportunity.”  I counted the days and realized I can afford an extra day in Dong Hoi, so I booked a place on the tour the following day.  Guess what? He was absolutely right.  The caves are magnificent.  I met new friends and wandered open-mouthed through these vast cathedrals of natural beauty formed over millions of years within the limestone mountains.

The owner of the hotel was a veteran of the American war.  Actually he was only 4 years old when it started but he remembers the bombs falling and his family members dying.  He was a Communist and he used to hate the Americans. Now he feels betrayed by this own corrupt government and some of the Americans have returned to visit Vietnam and they have become his friends. He seemed to have gained a deep understanding of how people cannot be judged by their nationality. They helped me fasten my bag to the bike; gave me an extra poncho against the wet. His hotel touches everyone who comes. It’s a well-run place, but more than that, it touches the heart.

Dong Hoi to Vinh    Another wet ride. I have nothing much to say about Vinh, except that I got a good night’s sleep and was slightly better prepared for the next day – more rain and 176 kilometres to Ninh Binh.

Vinh to Ninh Binh   Just as I started my ride the rain came right on schedule.  Dark clouds and grey sheets of water gusted in from the sea all day. In the first half hour I hit some puddles and my feet were instantly soaked. My greatest fear was that, during one of my stops to check the GPS, I might get the mobile phone wet; which would put an end to effective navigation and make it very hard to find my hotel. It wasn’t fun; I just kept thinking about a dry place with a hot shower. At around 3 pm after what seemed like a chilly eternity, that is exactly what I found.

Ninh Binh to Hanoi   Decided to take a scenic route.  Its confusing to use GPS to try and find smaller roads. Kept missing the way.  Eventually found the dike road along the Red River which gave interesting views of cows and rice paddy communities, but it was so rough I was going less than 20 kph.  At least its warmer today. Once I got off the dike it was an easy hour to get back to the highway. Met a policeman who actually smiled and gave me directions in English. Hanoi bike traffic is horrifying, especially around the old town.

4pm found the Hanoi Golden Charm Hostel. 18 days, 2,000 kilometres. I made it!

What did it all mean?

Only two more days in my trip.  Even though I've left boxes in China I think this concludes the cycle: Taiwan and beyond.
I started two years ago with the idea of going beyond the ordinary, disrupting my patterns, pursuing the dream to see where it leads.  It has been quite a ride - 6 months in Taiwan, more than a year in China and three months in SE Asian countries. What has happened to me? Have I learned something? Does this clarify my direction in the new reality of retirement? This post is an attempt at summary.
1) Taiwan was beautiful, comfortable and challenging.  The people were very kind to me. I made some bad decisions and some good ones. What stands out most in my memory is Alice. Such a sweet girl, and I was so lucky to meet her.  Alice offered me a way to look at myself as an older man with wisdom, knowledge and experience to share. I loved just being in her company - her energy, her humour and her unflagging generosity. She set me on the path back to China. In her I could see the value of my future in helping Chinese young people to learn English.  I saw how I can be a window for them through which they can start to understand a far wider world.  In a way, Taiwan was too easy for me and there are already plenty of young people from Western countries teaching English.  If I want to understand the Chinese world I should go to the source; no place is better for me than Xi'an. I got to experience the intense feeling of satisfaction that comes with helping people. In that way she gave me much more than I gave her.
2) Xi'an provided me with a whole new environment where I pursued a series of false starts, starting with the best of intentions and discovering numerous wrong directions.  It was exciting, painful at times but always a delight. The people who became important to me are too numerous to list and I thank them all from the bottom of my heart. False start #1 - I don't want to work full time teaching children basic English (even though its fun and I could make money doing it.) False start #2 - I am not looking to start a romantic relationship or settle down with a beautiful Chinese woman. (even though there are many that I have come to love for their amazingly good qualities) False start #3 - I'm not pursuing the challenge of starting up a new school or serving in the capacity of Principal or expert advisor. (This was not specifically offered but would have been possible based on my skills, qualifications and experience.)  What does that leave me with? I will return to China at some point, as yet unknown.  Xi'an is still the best option if I can get over the inclement weather conditions.  It's one of those future choices that I am not ready to solidify as yet.
3) The Yi Jing hexagram told me that this trip would not strengthen me.  In a way it has been a kind of side show - many awesome adventures, but somewhat of an avoidance of the core issues of my life. I have had a chance to relive some of the best passages of my 20s. I travelled the world in order to: 'arrive where I started and know the place for the first time. It's a kind of reprise - I have done this before; five countries and so many wonderful new friends.  I needed to check it out again.  What were the key elements of the experience?
I loved the warmth of the countries I visited - sunshine every day, riding a motorbike through gorgeous countryside in a T shirt and shorts. I draw energy from the sun.
I had the chance to meet an amazing variety of people from so many countries and different backgrounds. These people who explore the world in so many ways have my respect, admiration and warm friendship. Hopefully I will be able to stay in touch through FB.
Our planet is full of surprises that can fill us with wonder and joy. My most enduring image may be the bas-relief at Angkor Wat of the churning of the sea of milk. The Gods pull on the serpent, but they need the demons to pull on the other end of the serpent in order to churn the milk. The result is the drops of Amrit that can confer enlightenment on humans. My journey has been a roller coaster of the demonic and the divine. Perhaps the difficult times have combined with the delightful times to produce the Amrit; an alchemy that potentially unites us all with the creators of Angkor Wat.

Myanmar Dream

I feel confident in saying there is nowhere on Earth quite like Myanmar.  I feel very grateful for the natural warmth of the people. Everywhere I was welcomed and given able assistance. At no time was I threatened, cheated or robbed.  It is said that in Myanmar if you see someone chasing after you it will be because they are trying to catch you to give you something you left behind.

12th century.  Natural light from a high widow above.

I'm sure my time in Myanmar really happened, but its starting to feel like a dream - a land out of time, perhaps belonging to another life, or another era. I rented an ebike everyday to explore the huge area dotted with temples and pagodas.  Just pick a rail, hope to stay upright in the sand, avoid the thorns and possible snakes and find an ancient temple where you may find ghostly paintings on the walls, passageways past massive Buddha statues and narrow stairways leading to a higher level outside for a view of the countryside. You do run into people, but also goats, cows and butterflies to the sound of birds singing... not much else... a deep sense of peace.

The monks used to walk inside the temples around four Buddhas facing the four directions.  We normally spend so much time thinking about past and future, but here the timeless present seemed to claim my attention.  I practised walking meditation and ebike meditation. Fortunately my battery was recharged every night and never ran out.  I loved seeing the balloons float silently overhead at sunrise. It cost $350! A little too steep for me.

The monks used these inner spaces for walking meditation

Every sunset feels like a sacrament

The road from Bagan to Inlay Lake

Bus rides in Myanmar can be long and arduous.  The good news is they're cheap.  I loved the long days on the lazy, brown Irrawady River - 9 hours from Bagan to Mandalay.  I just sat and watched the banks slide by and nothing happened all day long.  It was so good I repeated the process three days later returning to Bagan.

Shwedagon Pagoda - Yangon

Shwedagon Pagoda has been the central feature of Yangon for centuries.  Gradually it has collected a lot of profane materialism and glitter around it, but it still retains a massive majesty, partly due to the devotion of local people who visit.  There are plenty of monks in evidence, praying, meditating or simply available to talk to visitors.  A visit to the pagoda provides a wonderful opportunity to watch the movements of the mind as the kaleidoscope of sense impressions unfolds around you.
On my last day I visited the Mahasi international meditation center in Yangon - possibly a pivotal moment in my life. More about that in a future blog.

Laos - The Lahu Village

The village on the hill top

 It started off innocently enough – gathering with some other foreigners after a simple western style Guest House breakfast and climbing with my hiking boots and backpack into the back of a small truck.

The ensuing two days were to draw deeply on the energy reserves of my aging body and take us to a far simpler, infinitely more demanding way of life.

challenging at times

Northern Laos, looking towards China

We climbed for what seemed like days, but was probably about five hours, through dense tropical forest that shaded us mercifully from the hot sun. Our guide showed us many treasures of the forest such as, edible plants, sweet tasting insects (?) and tiger balm bark. This was what I came here for – a chance to experience tropical jungle first hand. The trail was rough and steep, but passable enough. Fortunately the thick foliage mostly obscured the dizzying slopes below us. Once we reached the ridge we walked in hot sunshine gazing in awe at rows on rows of green forested peaks. Far above we glimpsed our goal perched high on a hilltop - the small brown huts of the Lahu people.

Much of the foliage has been
eaten by the cattle

surprising
what a small kitchen can produce

Images of that remote little community will remain for a life time. Little brown bodies of laughing naked children, shy teens peering around corners. Competent mothers looking after the rice and the cooking; carrying wood and water for their families. The men with machetes and cigarettes, friendly, welcoming. We are as strange to them as they are to us. And everywhere pigs, large and small, squealing snuffling, eating everything. Colourful roosters crow at all hours of the day or night.  The village is never completely quiet, but seems somehow always peaceful. At night the stars appear – more than many people ever see. In the morning the cattle seem to have come home, cows and buffalo scattered around the hilltop. The animals live with the people and the people live with the animals; they’re interdependent.

sun rising in the mist

clothes would only get dirty
and they're harder to wash

They hosted us, made room for us to sleep, fed us their local food and made us feel welcome in their home. They prepared dinner for us in the local fashion over and open fire.  It was quite delicious. There’s very little garbage. Nothing is wasted after the pigs get through with it.  I produced balloons for the children which produced a lot of laughter and played my flute to a small curious crowd.  My flute playing is very bad, but they loved it. There’s not much entertainment available.  Somehow the girls got themselves cleanly dressed in our honour- not easy when you consider the hike down the mountainside required to carry water.

Keep smiling - the best is yet to come

I wondered why they live so high. Apparently the air is much healthier for the cattle.  In the valley they easily die from various diseases.  There is plenty of wild food for them on the mountain and the rice grows well. Some farmers grow opium, but they need to pay for the privilege otherwise the penalty for getting caught would be very severe. Needless to say, the villagers all seem extremely physically fit.

To my surprise, getting back down the next day was harder than going up. We walked in thick forest again on the shaded slope which not yet dried from the rain.  Cattle make the trip too, so the trail was a river of thick, brown mud.  We encountered fallen trees, carnivorous leeches and tricky streams to cross. I fell a couple of times and suffered a few scrapes and bruises, but it could have been much worse. I have never felt quite so happy to hear the sound of cars and see the road again.

Teaching meditation in the middle kingdom

A warm sun is trying to penetrate the grey haze that wraps the streets of Xi’an this morning. I’m preparing to do a presentation tonight on meditation.  Ironically, the shrill squealing of children and the strident voices of men in the street seem to disturb me today, of all days.

Perhaps its because I have been living in a busy hostel for a month and a half. There are people from everywhere: Germany, Russia, France, Belgium, Sweden, Norway, USA, Canada, Argentina.  Also, every day the place fills up with young local Chinese people who are working on their English. Everyone is very friendly and I like their guiding principle of ‘Play with English’. I’m the resident Grandpa who can supply them with all sorts of information, not only about the English language but also about Xi’an and the geography and history of China.  They wonder how I know so much and I chuckle at that, because they’re so young and none of them have a clear concept of what it means to live through over six decades while reading books every day.

Tonight I need to offer something useful under the heading, “What is meditation?”

What is at the centre of it? I want to give them a technique they can immediately use, even though I know that maybe only one in a hundred will actually use it regularly.

1)      Your mind is not just your brain.  Everything you experience is within your mind.  Your mind creates your world all the time; it’s the most amazing thing. But YOU are not the mind.  This means that you are free….even though you don’t realize it.

2)      We all know exercise is useful and so is brushing your teeth or washing your body every day. What about your mind, what can you do for that?

3)      There are many forms of meditation. (Yoga, Qi Gong, playing a musical instrument….)

Some people use a candle, some sound, a flower, a mantra, soft music in order to calm the mind. This is not necessary, but can make meditation easier.

Daily meditation practice has three levels:

-          You can learn to take a ‘mind break’ and improve your ability to relax.

-          You can improve your ability to concentrate – localize your thoughts like a laser to accomplish any task better. Use the power of your mind more effectively.

-          You can use self-enquiry to develop critical thinking and creativity. Ask the question “Who am I? Who is the one asking the question? Is there a witness to all your thoughts? Who is the knower?

What is the technique?

1.       Find a quiet place where you can sit comfortably and not be disturbed for half an hour.

2.       Sit in a relaxed, unsupported upright posture with a straight spine. Loose belt and clothing.

3.       Become aware of the rising and falling of your breath at the point of your nostrils: in and out.

4.       Be still. Do nothing. No attempt to alter the breath or to judge it.

5.       Accept any sounds or sensations which occur.  Just be aware that they are there. Do not engage.

6.       Be aware that thoughts are there. Accept whatever thoughts may occur without judging them. Let them pass by. Do not engage. WHO is thinking?

7.       Be like the stone that falls in the river f thoughts. The waters push you this way and that. Finally you rest on the bottom and the river flows past you.

8.       Everything is changing. Nothing remains the same. Be aware. Be still.  

I I have no idea who will come or how it will go.  What I do know is this is the best gift I can offer to them.

I

National Day photos

The bride's feet must not touch the ground

Toasting the guests

Misty morning by the lake

We argued about the (unfair) parking ticket to no avail

How to ensure good behaviour of pedestrians on Nanjing Nanlu

Classic Shanghai Pudong

Buddhist temple gardens at Zhouzhuang

Zhouzhuang - Canals and historic bridges

Zhongshan Memorial on national day. 266 steps

National Day

When a friend suggested a trip to Nanjing I said, “Sure, why not?”  If I had thought to inquire further I would have found out: 1) We would go during the National Day holiday when over 500 million people are all traipsing around the country. 2) We would go with his family to attend a large wedding celebration. 3) We would rent a car for five people the size of a sardine can and would visit four cities in five days. A lot happened.

The wedding started for us in company with the handsome young groom. We went along to help collect the bride.  First the door to the apartment building came assault.  Her family held the other side and we had to push our way in with the help of some red envelopes for bribery. The same happened when we got to her door.  Eventually we got into her bedroom where she sat resplendent in red bridal finery. Testing rituals too numerous to comprehend ensued, including the search for her shoes.  There were clues to solve available on mobile phones.  I didn’t know much of what was happening, but took numerous photos anyway.  The bride had to be carried to the pinkly decorated white convertible so her feet didn’t touch the ground, and then off we went in a cloud of smoke from a thousand firecrackers.

There was lots of food and bai jiu, then a rest time followed by the ceremony itself in a spacious, lavishly appointed hall in the evening. After interminable waiting the bride arrived escorted by her brother. Events are customarily orchestrated by an MC in glittery garb who talks like a TV game show host.  The bride and groom are the main actors, but they really don’t get to say much.  There was entertainment, lots more food and loud orations by the MC.  I have little idea about what he found to say at such great length. Like weddings everywhere it was a happy affair.  Even though my Mandarin was not equal to the challenge of understanding what was said, I felt very welcome as one more witness to wish the best of luck towards timeless ritual - the union of two families.

Most Western weddings focus on the uniqueness of the happy couple – it is their day.  In contrast, a traditional Chinese wedding seems to focus on the assigned roles that the couple are expected to play.  There seems to be little room for their personal preferences.  I love the people, and there were beautiful moments, but I feel they would appreciate the opportunity to be themselves instead just having to follow a series of prescribed steps. To some extent the event was a celebration of a display of prosperity and the ego of the MC.  Of course I never understood what he said, but it sounded like a complex version of:  “Hey there! Its all about ME.”

We spent most of the trip crammed into the sardine can looking at congested traffic. Overnights were spent at cheap hotels (Btw, I’m not complaining about the price.)  The ancient water town of ZhouZheng was spectacular, as was the light spectacle of Shanghai across the river.  I’m glad we went to the Zhongshan memorial in Nanjing; although that extraordinary city has many more interesting features.

If I could derive a learning theme from this trip it would be to understand the disadvantages of group travel.  There’s no question that my solo journeys are richer in personal experience.  On the plus side, I got to know some friends much better and I visited Anhui Province for the first time.  This brings my Chinese Province total up to 23 out of 34. Only 11 still to go.

The small wild goose.

Small group English classes

 Arriving back in Xi'an was very familiar, but still a huge change.  I took some time to get over jetlag, hook up to Wifi, get a phone card and re-connect to old friends.  Getting back on my motor-cycle to thread the mazes of Xi'an traffic.  Relaxing with a good book in a comfortable coffee house as all the world flows by on the street. I alternate between two worlds and become a slightly different person whenever I cross the ocean.

Who would expect this?

The hostel is called BC for Bilingual community.  They take in foreign guests, teach English to local people and follow a philosophy of 'Play With English'.  The location is right off the busiest main street of the city, but it doesn't look like China at all. There are European style buildings with Grecian columns and spacious balconies. One building is painted pink and houses a classy beauty parlour; another has a swimming pool (not functional unfortunately).  The place looks to have seen better days, but the location is 50 metres  from a subway station.  BC has a huge fan base on the social network. There's an activity on most evening: games, discussion groups, cooking classes, movies and anything that people find interesting.

Graceful living in an urban setting.

It's a very friendly place.  Most of those attending are between the ages of 18 - 25. Usually they have some purpose for learning English, such as admission to a foreign university, or improving the appeal of their curriculum vitae.
This afternoon I walked around the corner to the Small Wild Goose Pagoda.
As you enter this ancient compound the outside city seems to fade away.  The 7 story pagoda dates from the 8th century when the temple was dedicated to the translation of buddhist scriptures into Chinese. You walk along leafy pathways between trees as old as the buildings they surround.  I examined a tall stone perched on the back of a giant turtle. It had a map of the entire compound which, although etched into the stone over 500 years ago, gave a passable description of the complex as it stands today.  For about a dollar you can strike this immense bronze bell three times and disperse any troublesome demons by swinging the log against its side.

Even though the reasons for naming the complex after a wild goose seemed a little shaky I did actually come across a couple of rather sad looking white geese.
More interesting were the stone sculptures that capture an echo of the spirit of the great Tang dynasty and the glory days of the silk road to the West. Fleshy musicians cavorting in their flowing garments, playing stringed instruments behind their heads.

Tang Emperors valued the arts

The question of 'What am I doing in China?' arises quite often.  Its as if when separated from my traditional Western routines I am brought to confront the search for meaning on a daily basis.  What are any of us doing here?  It's better to ask this question without expecting an answer.  Daily life is itself the answer. From time to time I have the opportunity to help someone improve their English.  I don't ask for money - helping a fellow searcher is its own reward.

Lessons of the heart

They all came out to say goodbye

Felt like a birthday party

 One morning you wake up and you can't walk. Your life turns a corner.

It was so moving when friends came out in the morning of my departure to bring gifts, to help me on my way and to ask hopefully when I plan to return.  In some way my life has become larger than myself and there is a sense of responsibility. I care about these people, and they don't want anything from me except what I am quite willing to give - encouragement, language support, glimpses of the wide world beyond the borders of China.
So in a few short hours I moved between two worlds. I soared to 40,000 feet and then struggled in Korea just to move my bags from one plane to another.
My arrival in Canada, crutches and all, was not impressive. We drove five hours up to Bill's cabin in the mountains. It was like walking out of one emotional movie into another, equally intense, with a completely different cast of characters. With its clear streams, green trees and gentle breezes, the Joe rich Valley is a healing place. It seemed that my physical problems began to improve rapidly.  One crutch fell away, then the other, then I started to forget where I had left them. The weather was perfect, I was with family and friends and I had nothing to do except to get my battered body working again.

echoes of bygone years

Best of all was Calvin. If you ever wish to learn how to exist completely awake and 'in the moment' just watch a two year old.
A walk of two metres represented an adventure for Calvin. He would test each root, bounce on it experimentally, take a step forward, then maybe a step back to try it again. Occasionally he would look up at the treetops, raise his arms and twirl around.  Why do the rest of us not do this, are we too inhibited?

"This MY car"

I'm so lucky to have friends from my university days.  We have been coming to this place since 1971, so that's 45 years we've been friends.

The old homestead

This time there were lots of the next generation present. We call them the kids, but really they're in their 30s and have kids themselves. Calvin was one of the four grandchildren running around.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Chinese people have usually heard of Vancouver even though they pronounce it differently.  They always say "Vancouver is beautiful"

Vancouver is beautiful

although they may not know anything else about it.  I certainly enjoy the clean air, the sea and the luscious green parks.  After appreciating the beauty there's really not a lot for me to do here.  After 11 months in Xi'an I find the lower mainland region just a little bit boring.  Of course, I could get busy here and it's great to hang out with the Grandkids, but.....

Can it be that I'm missing something?  It's about people, but more importantly it's about RELATIONSHIPS with people. In Vancouver my relationships require nothing of me. What is it that calls me so loudly back to China?  Maybe, even though I don't have the strength I used to have, some work of significance can still be accomplished.  Maybe, if I care about other people, it's incumbent on me to actually DO something that meets their needs.

Who needs crutches?

Crutches. The very word elicits images of dependence, of infirmity, of weakness. To use a crutch suggests that something may be unpleasantly lacking or structurally unsound. Correct.  My back is not right and it isn’t pleasant at all.  Reminds me of the song ‘That’s life; you’re riding high in April, shot down in May.”  After I learned to adapt to the pain; after I came to accept that there are many things I can’t do; after my bubble popped like a big, fat, yellow balloon – I found myself in a new reality.  Being a respected teacher of English, exploring China’s exotic hinterlands, traveling the backroads of South-East Asia, all those dreams were gone like the balloon. 

Initially, my aspirations towards leading a spiritual life disappeared as well.  I cannot meditate formally because there is pain in sitting, or my mind is fogged by medication.  I see my reflection in the eyes of strangers as a pathetic figure, struggling along with my crutch, eyes glued to the ground. So many friends have been very kind, offering assistance.  Medical people shake their heads and talk about operations.  My fine yellow balloon was long gone. This went on for ten days.

After the period of feeling sorry for myself it dawned upon me that the universe might be trying to teach me something.  There’s a strange symmetry in that two previous visits to Asia in my life have resulted in similar adverse circumstances. First, in India in 1976 I got so sick I thought I was going to die.  The image was of a snake casting off its worn out skin - not yet comfortable with the new, tender, shiny skin and still painfully attached to the old skin. It took some time to adapt, but my life took a whole new turn; the transformation was dramatic. Second, in Thailand in 2012 I lost my beautiful Yoyo, my lover, in a shocking and sudden accident. I found myself emotionally devastated and all alone in a far-off country.  I am no stranger to disaster.  So what to make of the third and current scenario – crippled in a foreign land, but destined to struggle on regardless? 

What can I learn from it all?  The small self has taken a beating once more. Each of the other stories eventually made sense in the light of the great teachings, the universal truths that I have been pursuing for most of my life.  There is a purpose to life and it’s not just about collecting coloured stones, crossing mighty rivers and climbing the rugged mountains.  The ego cannot awaken from the dream.  I know this.  For me the world has stopped.  For what reason?  Why am I here now, in China, on crutches? Perhaps, is it because there is indeed a treasure to be sought, a truth to be realized, but it's one we we must seek without seeking? Who is the seeker? Who is the one who even poses the question?  Meditation is vital, but what is meditation for one who cannot sit in the lotus posture? What is it for one who cannot sit still for 5 minutes?  Now with no balloon I am cast into the sea. Who I thought I was before this seems illusory. My experience of life rises and falls daily like waves on the sea, like the movements of the tides, like my breath coming in… and going out. Just observe….be aware…remain equanimous…what is high will fall…what is low will rise… it is constantly changing.  Here, now, here is peace. Peace.

Standstill

“Standstill…Stagnation” That was the hexagram (#12 out of 64 possible answers) given to me by the Yi Jing in answer to the question I asked about why I have pain in my leg that stops me from walking.  The Yi Jing is said to be the oldest book on Earth; composed maybe 3,000 years ago and used as a guide by Confucius. I don’t know anything about the validity of this form of divination, but the answer was startlingly appropriate to my situation.  I can’t walk. Even a few steps leaning heavily on a stick can cause terrible pain in my leg.

For a time I felt quite depressed because the condition did not seem to improve. I couldn’t go out; I couldn’t sit for long periods and I couldn’t find a comfortable posture to lie down. So what happened?  I don’t really know.  My best guess is that my rather unbalanced posture caused the build-up of scar tissue and eventually gave rise to micro-tearing in at least one muscle fibre. In turn, this resulted in significant inflammation with loss of range of movement and pain. So I’m at a total standstill.  I can’t do anything for days, I see no signs of improvement and I start to think of going home. Even going home would cure nothing. And how can I get to the airport and get on a plane if I can’t walk?

As I’ve seen before, the dark times are laced with veins of gold – the extraordinary kindness of so many people. My adult students took me for an X-ray and bought some medicine for pain relief. My friend at the hostel went a step further and arranged for me to see the best Doctor for this kind of problem. His friend drove me across the city to a specialist. The specialist looked at the X-ray, looked at me stumbling around on my stick and asked a few questions. Then I was lying on his table. It was very painful. At first I thought he was doing diagnosis, but it turned out he understood my problem perfectly and was trying to break down scar tissue in my leg. I recognized the process because that was what the physio had done at home after my operation four years ago. Painful, but effective. Cost me 50 RMB – about $10.

While all this is going on I have on-going conversations on Wechat. Some students want a private lesson. A Toastmaster club wanted me to visit, which I had to cancel because I’m really not running on all cylinders. There is a potential VIP class where a rich businessman will send a car to pick me up and pay me 300RMB/hour (over $100 for two hours) to teach him English so he can deal with travelling overseas.  A casting director wants me to come and meet the Director of a film so I can play a part.  Had to say ‘no’ to that one too.  My Ladies class members drop in every evening to chat, bring food and see if I’m OK. People keep texting me to know what they can do to help me. I have enough fruit to feed a small army. I’m thinking, “If this happened to me in Vancouver would I be getting this level of support?”

I have also been studying more recent Chinese history. The Long March, when you start to read the story of how it went down, has to be one of the most extraordinary tales of the 20^th Century. Having killed off thousands of Communists in Shanghai, the Nationalist army had Mao’s Communists encircled. Jiang Jie Shi had won the struggle with the other warlords in China was intent on stamping out resistance to his rule – whatever it took. His troops stole, burned and pillaged their way around China.  In contrast, the Communists were inspired by the ideals of the resistance movements of the previous 100 years in China such as the Taiping and the Boxers. It was their rule to take nothing without paying and to treat the common people as their brothers. Mao admired George Washington and took inspiration from the story of Valley Forge. They opposed oppression and had a vision of a greater China ruled fairly according to the high principles – “Workers of the World Unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains.” 70% of the land was owned by a small minority who treated the majority like dirt.  It’s no wonder that by 1949 most of China had changed sides. If I had been Chinese in the 1930s I would have been a Communist.

Yi Jing - The Book of Changes

The eight trigrams which together create the 64 hexagrams of the Yi Jing, or Book of Changes

I returned to Xi’an with a feeling of release. Finally I can take it slow and stop rushing about from one city to another. Having written a speech about taking time to BE instead of constantly DOING I ought to be ready for this.

My consultation of the Yi Jing produced hexagram # 49 – Ko.  The divination (arrived at by the casting of three Chinese coins in six separate throws) seems quite apt for my situation. I asked about the value and duration of my continuing stay in Xi'an. This produced the hexagram 'Ko',  "It has to be done at the right time, when the old is on the point of breaking, and the new has the possibility to grow. Like the snake sheds his skin at the exact right moment." Ko is believed in only after it has been accomplished.  There will be great progress and success. Advantage will come from being firm and correct, then the occasion for repentance will disappear.

The moving line shows my making changes after some time has passed. This action will be fortunate and will contain no errors. Two daughters live together with their minds fixed on different objects. The image is the waters of a marsh with a fire beneath, or in the midst of it. Lake above, fire below reminds us that each can extinguish the other. Timing appears to be crucial, (patience), but the prognosis for the change to come is for admiration. When the change has been made faith will be accorded to it.

My interpretation of this is that fire keeps me moving, visiting different places, teaching and learning, rushing about. The lake is simply calm, reflecting what surrounds her, still and beautiful.  Today when I landed in Xi’an with a desire to slow down I invoked the lake.  Neither can ultimately prevail for both are legitimate daughters with their own natural characteristics.  The play between the two cannot remain static, however, because each affects the other greatly. The lake can put out the fire.  The fire can dry up the lake.  Their very proximity is inherently dynamic.  After a period of time change is bound to result.

"Then answered Arthur slowly from the barge:
'The old order changeth, yielding place to new,
And god fulfills himself in many ways
Lest one good custom should corrupt the world."

From La Morte d'Arthur by Thomas Mallory

Easy Rider

I do have a helmet.
Had to take it off to use my mobile phone.

Its really the best way to get around a busy city.  Even when the traffic is very heavy there always seems to be a pathway that opens up for the bikes.  The weather is so hot, but you soar along like a bird creating a cool breeze by your passing.  Parking is also very convenient.  Sometimes there's an 'official' bike park which costs 2 rmb - a small price for feeling your bike is safe.

I'm learning the tricks of Xi'an bike navigation

1) Expect interference from all directions at all times: cars, bikes, 3 wheelers, buses, pedestrians and other unidentifiable mobiletraffic.

2) There is some honking, but it mostly means, "I'm here," So far I have not heard any words spoken in anger in fact, no matter what the provocation, nobody seems to speak at all.  They just push on. When approaching pedestrians from behind - honk!

3) Street directions such as crosswalks and red lights are interesting but do not restrict one's activities.

4) Buses are ruthless.  Expect no mercy.  Fortunately they are usually predictable. A bus that stops in the middle of the street is about to disgorge a steady stream of passengers to the right.

5) Cars regard any small advantage in positioning as equivalent to right of way.  It is useful that a bike can usually accelerate more quickly to avoid trouble.  Don't give them any space to cut you off if you can possibly help it.  Avoid taxis like rabid dogs.

6) Generally, its best to be on the curb side or in the curb lane.  This gives you the option of finding an unblocked cycle lane or going on the sidewalk.  Watch out for passengers getting off buses.

7) Another advantage of the curb side is when you get to a red light.  If the light is reading a high number such as 40 or 55 you have the option of making a left turn with the foot traffic and setting yourself up to reach the left bound curb lane when the light turns.

8) A gutsy strategy on a busy intersection is to head for the sweet spot in the exact centre and wait it out. Almost all traffic misses the centre and eventually you'll get an opening.

9) Massive roundabouts almost deserve their own section.  They serve four streets (or more) conduct four or five lanes with almost no reference to the white lines and are almost always crowded.  You enter by merging.  Know where you want to go. Match the speed and direction of traffic. Try to follow your curve; although anyone can cut you off from either side at any time. Again, rule 5 applies.  The best strategy is to maintain speed, make no sudden moves and watch for your openings.

10) Keep your awareness on the present moment, 360 degrees, at all times.  Always be ready to brake, turn or accelerate.  The past is gone instantly; let it go.  Remember that something unexpected will happen at any moment and be ready.

I intend to post more photos as a guide for safe, cool, quick navigation of Xi'an's busy streets.

The sweet delights of philosophy

Why are we here?  What are we supposed to do?  With regard to the meaning of life; we were issued a body, but what happened to the book of instructions?  One possibility is that no one really knows the answer.  If that is the case (for the sake of argument, let’s say it is) then religions are bogus.  They all took the words of some wise person in history and manipulated the stories for political purposes.  They show us the  truth but “…through a glass, darkly…”  What if you are supposed to completely disregard the opinions of others and just go with your own experience?  Let’s try it.   So what do I know?

1)      I am conscious for most of the day.

2)     Even though I identify with my body and feel its sensations, I feel that I am somehow not the body; at least not ONLY the body. I witness it.

3)     The ‘I’ that feels seems to be composed of a stream of thoughts.  If I’m able to stand still for a moment I can actually feel the thoughts streaming by.  They seem to have a volition of their own and are, in some sense, not me.

4)     When I dream, my experience flows differently.  However, the impression of being a witness exists in dreams in a similar way.

5)     There seems to be a state between waking and dreaming wherein I am not conscious; although I evidently continue to exist.

6)     Even while I sleep the external world can continue to act on me so I conclude that there actually IS an objective world.

7)     Modern science has shown that we do not understand that world and that it is definitely NOT adequately described by what my senses tell me.

8)     Like other human beings I am pre-occupied with my relationship with others.  I care about what happens to them.  I care about what they think of me.  Even though I occupy a separate body I am not unmoved by the feelings of others.  On a good day, we call this ‘Love’.

9)     I can insulate myself from others, but this generally feels bad.  If I join with others there is more frequently a good feeling - a feeling of connection.

10)                        There are recorded instances of shared experience between individuals: connections with loved ones, crowd behaviour, contact with spirits, religious ecstasy, telepathy, accurate hunches, etc…

11)                        Here’s an intriguing thought experiment?  What if all life on the planet is actually one being?  A billion years ago (or something like that) it must have started as one being – the first living entity.  Maybe it just took so many forms that now each part has just forgotten its actual reality.  Deep within ourselves we are never quite satisfied.  We long to return home.

12)                        When the Buddha ‘awakened’ he knew something which changed the world. So he told us the 4 noble truths. Don't just believe them.  Test them out.

·       Ultimately, existence is suffering. 

·      This suffering is caused by desire and aversion.

·      The end to desire and aversion is the end of suffering.

·      You can experience this by following the 8 fold path.

You can’t easily refute these truths.  But you can live them.

13)                        Meditation is part of that path.  Here’s another intriguing thought experiment.  What would it be like to spend a whole day resting in total non-attachment to everything.  Just one day.  It doesn’t mean things cease to be beautiful, or cease to be painful.  It means to notice and accept what comes with no resorting to grasping or aversion.

14)                        Certainly I can practise this: just allow the breath to come in and go out without looking away and without requiring anything. If I have s desire, or if I have a fear, I can just observe it with equal vision – no pushing or pulling.

15)                        I think this is a good idea.  At 65 years of age I have never lost the notion of ‘something is missing’.  Even though I have had wishes fulfilled and gathered the trappings of worldly success I know this.  The heart becomes full, but always gets hungry again.  Know this.  It all goes on within a context that is called – emptiness.

16)                        Here’s another ‘What if?”  What if it really doesn’t matter what happens?  Yes, follow your dreams and make your life extraordinary….and then…. I mean, of course it matters in a relative sense, but what if the true value lies beyond the opposites of good and bad?  What if, at the deepest level, there is no separate self that lives and dies?  What if we are all one and the same being?  What if our true task is to wake up?