Kaleidoscope

My days are filled with trivia.  It takes 6 minutes to walk to the bus; 9 minutes to take the bus to the subway; 25 minutes to take the Subway to another station and a further 10 minutes to walk to the school.  50 minutes in total.  Along the way I encounter a LOT of people – different people every day.

As a small child I was fascinated by the changing colours and shapes of a Kaleidoscope.  It seemed improbable that such beautiful variations could emerge from an odd collection of coloured plastic chips.  Roaming around Xi’an is a similar experience in that certain themes are repeated in endless variety.  The only constant is myself.  So, of course, I am reminded of the teaching of Xi’an’s famous wandering monk – Xuan Zang.  He came back from India with knowledge great enough that he was embraced as the brother of the Emperor of (at the time) the world’s greatest city.  They set about building a special tower to house his precious artifacts – a tower which still stands after about 13 centuries.  Xuan Zang’s most celebrated writing was entitled ‘Consciousness Only’.  He taught that only consciousness is real. Think about that.

The only undeniable, consistent fact of my existence is the ‘I’ that is aware of existing.  Nothing in my immediate environment can be absolutely proved to exist objectively.  The evidence is always tainted.  I could be dreaming.  I could be having delusions.  Many of the vibrations in the air such as microwaves, radio and extreme wave-lengths of colour are invisible to me.  The smallest particles of matter are found to be composed of space, mostly, and something unknown which vibrates and changes constantly.  Oh right, and there are neutrinos (which are undetectable) and lots of dark matter (about which we know nothing). The only fact about particles which I understand is that nothing is as it appears to be.

Our existence seems to be a kind of working hypothesis which we live as if its real.  Because the mind does not like uncertainty, we solidify the sense impressions we can use and minimize those we cannot.  We use the scientific method of repetitive observing, testing and hypothesizing, because the method works.  It works so well we forget that it was always a hypothesis, not an objective reality.

I can dimly intuit a sense of being which is unaffected by sense impressions; however I cannot stay within that being.  Any of the powerful emotions can draw me out immediately: physical pain, hunger, anger at the crowded elevators, crowds and heat on the buses, beautiful women, pride of achievement.  I effect, the more I learn to live more consistently ‘in the moment’ the more powerful the emotions become.

That’s just  the beginners course.  I meditate on the breath every day because its an exercise which emphasizes being as opposed to doing.  The mind continues with DOING, but sometimes I can just let go and let the doing just happen.  Other people become brighter, because they are travellers on the same road facing the same conditions.  I had an image today of a light which shines through everyone and all living beings.  It is all the same light, but is purely subjective and doesn’t objectify itself; so it takes on different forms of identification as it emerges.  It’s all one consciousness (Xuan Zang’s ‘Consciousness Only’), but its nature is to consider itself as one unique vessel or another.

Alice, of Alice in Wonderland, was having an awful dream until she looked at the characters and said, “But you’re all just a pack of cards.”  All those people I encounter every day are heavily invested in their own personal stories, just as I am. We’re all just a pack of cards. We don’t recognize each other.  The sense of separation and the need to…… the need to….all sorts of things;  we keep ourselves apart.  Maybe when we wake from the dream we will agree with Xuan Zang that only Consciousness is real and then our personal world will dissolve into nothing but love.